I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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