dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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