The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
