dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
