actually, I'm a sock model
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I understand Curling. That high.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
