:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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