if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im on a boat
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