tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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