Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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