I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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