Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
