While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize