I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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