mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
