I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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