don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
