As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
