OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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