i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
