I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
