Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
