My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
