So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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