got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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