First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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