so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
