Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
