I hate your face
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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