On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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