I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
