Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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