I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
