I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
