how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
