i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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