Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
