yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
