Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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