there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
