SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
