Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
