dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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