The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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