She's JV to your varsity
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
