My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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