We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
