My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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