you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
