idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
