I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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