Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
