Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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