and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
