On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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