Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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