i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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