Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
