I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
