I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
