saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
