when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
