why didn't you poke me back
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
