Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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