i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Boobs speak an international language.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
