He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
